I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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