I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
