apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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