So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
