So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
