I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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