I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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