You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wannas sexs uuuuu
My liver just broke up with me...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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