Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
