Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Floor bacon is actually really good
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
