Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
