if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
