we have officially lost it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
