and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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