Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
