WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
