super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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