I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
