I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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