it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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