I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
