..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
