Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
