I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
