I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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