I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
