I think I died a long time ago.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
