Yo dont text me then not text me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
