He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
