You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
