hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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