So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize