actually, I'm a sock model
Non-Jews are for practice
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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