the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
