I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
