i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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