Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
