Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
