one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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