You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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