Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
