every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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