I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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