I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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