dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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