You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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