I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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