Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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