Screwed.edu
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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