I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
