i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
