dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
