I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
