It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
