so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
