what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
