I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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