The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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