Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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