maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
NoShamevember. You game?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
