I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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