just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
