so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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