no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
