i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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