who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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