i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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