Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
