my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
